did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
