Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
