You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
