please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
