I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
