Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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