I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
