If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
