I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
