Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
