I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
