i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
