I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
