I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
