I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
