after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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