just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
