Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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