At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
