In the future we'll all be gay
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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