I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
