I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
