Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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