duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
