OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
