I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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