Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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