i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
