So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
