She is in my trunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
