even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
