ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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