i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
