thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
