it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
