I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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