I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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