She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
