he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
