You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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