I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
only you would photoshop your dick
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
