Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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