Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
