3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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