There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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