3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
