did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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