My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
