okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
