who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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