YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
