ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
