it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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